Prioritise those that matter and love eachother…
It’s a simple message but one that is often forgotten and shoved to the side to make room for chores, commitments and general daily stuff that gets first priority. But it doesn’t take much to send a message or make a quick call, reminding someone who’s alone or struggling that you are still there. Yet we often don’t contact our loved ones as we feel harrassed, stressed or unable to state our needs clearly when we know it clashes with the needs of those we love.
No one gets more non-comunicado than me. In my busy daily life with kids and studies, I assume everyone knows I care, think of and love them – but sometimes people don’t feel it. In times of struggle, loneliness or when life throws you a curveball it is easy to feel everyone is happy and occupied exept you, and that you are left behind.
If I use myself as an example, I fear getting ‘stuck’ into a phone conversation in the mornings even if it is a person I really love. Mornings is THE time for me to get on and do stuff, I have tons of energy and I am brimming with ideas. But rather than explaining that I am a bit tied up and would love a chat another time when it is convenient, I instead avoid the whole situation and don’t pick up the phone – thus feeling guilty. It is a viscious cirlcle and I have decided I would like this to change.
As a current student of solution focused clinical hypnotherapy, I am learning that some of my avoidant behaviour stems from an inability to control situations. By avoiding that which is uncomfortable, I am reverting to my primitive, emotional part of the brain (with the average age of a 3 year old!) which perceives things as a threat or anxiety inducing. My conscious, rational brain knows that I am an adult and can communicate clearly when and how I get in touch with people but, left unchecked, I will revert to habitual behaviour, feel anxious and avoid situations where I think I may hurt someone’s feelings.
I’m not great on the phone at the best of times – I always find a million and one things to do and phone calls are not condusive to do those things. And not liking the phone is ok, we’re all different, but there may be better ways to handle that than just avoiding the situation. We can state our wishes without drama.
Ways to handle it could perhaps be to schedule the phone call at a time of day that suits you better, when you know you can sit down and really listen, or you could make it a shorter conversation or suggest a face to face meeting instead. Something I personally really love. In other words, there are options.
We can control the situation so that it works for us too. The key and main point is that you do communicate with those you care about, even if it is brief, to let them know you are there. Life is a funny thing. You assume everything is ticking along nicely until it isn’t. So get out of your comfort zone and state your wishes clearly and with love. Decide the way to show your love and commitment in a way that feels right for you – and then just do it!
Much love,
Birgitta xx